Tag: sad

”I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”

I’ve had three great losses in my life. First one nearly killed me in the end, the second is still silently destroying me mentally and the third one made me realise just how much every moment with my family matters.

But I’ve learned everything can be fixed if you decide it’s worth enough to fix it. I’ve learned that if you tried everything you could, even if only in the end, you are not to blame. I’ve learned that trust and honesty is what I value and look for in people. I’ve learned being alone is okay, even if it hurts like hell. I’ve learned to take time, but not to isolate myself. I’ve learned to never, ever, ever put all of the blame on myself. I’ve learned to choose my people carefully. I’ve learned to appreciate quality over quantity. I’ve learned to never give up on people, even if it backfires in the end and on the other hand that you’re not a bitch if you ignore them for a while and don’t talk to them just because they want to – because you sometimes just need to effing put yourself first. I’ve learned it’s also okay to fall sometimes, that you don’t have to be strong all the time.

And I’m learning to forgive, which for me is the hardest thing to do. To forgive people who meant the world to you, who you thought you meant the world to them, who left you without saying a proper goodbye. Who you trusted with all your being, who were your most important people. To forgive people who replaced you so easily, who hurt you beyond reason.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it.

But in a weird way I’m also trying to be grateful. Cus every one of these losses shaped me in the person I am today. And hell, even if my mind is not quite okay yet, I bloody love myself and what I do right now. I. Effing. Love. Myself. And I pray to God I never lose faith in myself (and Him) ever again.

 

Dear God

Everything feels a bit distant to me… As if lately life’s been slipping through my fingers and I can’t seem to keep up. Everything feels confusing… It feels like I’m not really here.

I’ve been trying to clear my head for a while now yet I’m still not able to think things through. I still don’t know how I feel about certain things and that worries me.

Sometimes I feel like I totally know myself and other times I can’t even recognize me. Which scares the poop out of me.

Seriously. Who am I?

10/2016

Life Update.

  • I cried like a baby last night when I found out about the suprise in the new episode of Bones. Totally totally wasn’t expecting it. But I understand why they did it. Still, I’m soooooo sad.And excuse me, my dear followers on Twitter, for ranting so much about it.
  • I miss Mister. Very much.
  • I’m going to Ljubljana in a couple of days and I’M SO EXCITED. I’ve really missed it. College? Well, not so much.
  • We are finally singing good songs in our choir. Also, I am very excited for the next Sunday mass. #bandplaying
  • One of the worst/most awkward things is when you run into you ex-professor from highschool in the mall and have that awkward small talk. Not to mention he can see toilet paper and loads of toilet cleaners in your shopping cart. Fun times.
  • I don’t know what to do with my college. I can’t decide whether I should transfer or not ..
  • Everyone should read Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas. Go! Read! Now! Or watch a movie, it’s on youtube (but I promise you, the book is SO much better, three times sadder yet still awesome!)
  • Why is it SO wrong if I’m worried about my friend (well, ”ex” friend, but still)?
  •  Emma Pickles saw and answered my tweet. I am still fangirling. It’s not everyday a youtuber notices you. #win
  • I can’t can’t can’t wait for the new season of Once Upon A Time and Reign! Woooohooo! Gimme some Hook, Bash and Francisssss.
  • I changed the appearance of the blog. Again. It’s fall time, therefore dark colors are a must. And I love maroon-purple-ish color, so …
  • If you ever wondered where my blog name is from, check this, this and this out. A few of my fave songs ever. Flightless bird is going to play on my wedding and I don’t care if people don’t agree. It’s gonna happen.
  • I have written more posts in this year that I have in the previous six years together. Proud moment.
  • Still … I am the laziest person on the world.